It’s been a constant struggle, silence and I. The fear that an empty space might breed misunderstanding led me to dominate conversations, filling every pause.
Silence.
A canvas I painted with my need to prove understanding and superiority, avoiding any comparison with the rest.
Silence.
Yet, beneath the facade, a fear lingered – that scrutiny would unveil gaps in my knowledge.
Silence.
Pushing, probing, hoping you’d surrender what you’re avoiding.
Silence.
Why does your presence make me uneasy? Is it the unbearable uncertainty or the insecurity that fuels my fear?
Silence.
Confronting you or the worst-case scenario that binds me?
Silence.
Perhaps, it’s time to befriend you. Invite you in, sit with you, and be comfortable not just seeing, but feeling you deeply. Your true value lies within me.
Silence.
Less fear, more acceptance. Letting you guide me will give me confidence.
For many of us, emotions have often been seen as things we need to manage, keep an eye on, and control. Early on, we might not even realize it, but we’re taught that emotions are something to be wary of – almost like they’re the bad guys. If you have emotions, there must be something wrong with you. It’s strange how, if you don’t show emotions, people think you’re doing just fine – as if feeling less means you’re in control. We admire those who seem unshaken, wishing we could breeze through emotions like they do. Nothing seems to faze them!
Ever wonder why you feel this way? Why is it so tough to handle these seemingly silly, stupid emotions? Why do they have to be so obvious and affect us so deeply? It’s like the box we try to put them into is slowly leaking, and we find ourselves needing a bigger, sturdier box.
And then, why is there this feeling of shame linked to having emotions? The truth is, they’re not the enemy; they never have been. If anything, they’re like our closest companions, meant to guide us through life. The way we treat and understand our emotions shapes our mindset and, in a way, our whole life. It’s crucial to be careful. If you’ve been treating your emotions as enemies, realize that you’ve essentially been at war with yourself, consciously or unconsciously.
As mentioned earlier, emotions are like signposts. They’re there to guide you, helping you understand what affects you, what triggers you, and, essentially, who you are. They provide the information you need to make adjustments in your ever-changing evolution as a human. Change is bound to happen, and emotions are the tools that help you shape the version of yourself you want to be in the different situations life throws at you. So, let’s stop treating them like enemies. They’re not the problem. If you keep pushing them away, get ready for a never-ending series of breakdowns.
Embracing the complexity of our emotions, it’s natural to wonder if we truly have control over who we are. The idea that our environment shapes us, yet two people exposed to the same circumstances can turn out entirely different, raises intriguing questions. Does suffering or ruthlessness result from a predetermined script we have no say in? The thought of surrendering to life’s whims can be disheartening, leaving us feeling like mere puppets in an unpredictable simulation.
But here’s the empowering truth: within each of us lies a resilient force that defies the pre-programmed narrative. While tomorrow remains unpredictable, there’s a rebellious spirit within, urging us to challenge the status quo. It begins with a decision, a small act of defiance against the familiar patterns cultivated by our surroundings. Change might feel uncomfortable, like going against the grain of our own existence, but it’s the price we pay to carve out our unique path.
So, whether you find yourself at odds with who you are or yearn for transformation, remember that your journey starts with that courageous choice to rebel against the expected. In these moments of defiance, you begin to shift the tide, unraveling the script that once seemed unchangeable. It’s a process that might feel unfamiliar, like shedding an old skin, but it’s also the necessary step to pave the way for your authentic self to emerge.
As the year draws to a close, whether by choice or circumstance, we all find ourselves reflecting on the chapters of the past. Today, I want to reach out to those who have endured a season of loss, pain, and unexplainable change. It’s a daunting task to come to terms with the fact that life will never be the same, and it’s a journey paved with heartache and realization that everything you once knew has shifted.
In these moments, your heart aches for itself. The protective shield and the comforting lies that shielded you from pain and trauma are now shattered. The harsh reality of life’s unpredictability has stripped away the beautiful naivety that once sustained you. Dreams lie crushed, and the light within seems lost.
I could offer you the usual words of encouragement and rally cries, but this time, let’s try something different. Let’s allow ourselves to wallow, to feel every bit of the pain, anger, and heartbreak. It’s perfectly acceptable to simply sit with these emotions, without pretense or forced smiles. Sometimes, the best course of action is to be fully present in the moment, with all its raw and authentic truth.
While it’s important to seek the light in every situation, there’s tremendous healing in not fighting yourself. Let all those emotions flow, whether it’s through tears, screams, or even laughter. Release that pent-up energy. It’s time to set yourself free, to let go of the chains that have bound you to expectations, ideologies, or concepts that no longer serve your current reality.
Embrace the freedom to just be, whatever that may entail. The choice is yours, and there are no more excuses or pretenses to uphold. It’s a battle between you and yourself. Take a moment to ask yourself, given everything you’ve experienced, how can you best honor yourself in this particular stage or season of life? That question will be your guiding light through the darkness, leading you towards empowerment and self-discovery.
